Pro-Bear Lobby
The Pro-Bear Lobby is an organization owned and operated by Bears. The main goal of this organization is the manufacture and dissemination of pro-bear propaganda across all forms of media, the end result being the lulling of America into believing the bear culture and ideology are benign so that they may supplant the American people and culture with their own. This will be achieved by indoctrination, but those who do not believe will be slaughtered unmercifully and their deaths covered up as rogue animal attacks and shall be warnings to those in the know. While humans can join the Lobby, they are merely foot soldiers, little Eichmanns, if you will, for their Bear overlords. The Lobby spreads the pro-bear agenda primarily through sympathetic portrayals of the bear lifestyle using pop-culture as the conduit by which their agenda is communicated. Bears are depicted as “cute” and “cuddly,” a gross misrepresentation of what bears truly are. By characterizing bears as benign creatures, the Lobby has created mass appeal for all things bear. The Bears have their claws in everything from Government to Corporate policy. The Lobby has influenced Federal and State Govt. in such a way that it is illegal for a human to kill a bear, but when a bear kills a human, they are not brought up on charges. Also, the Lobby has convinced leading wildlife “experts” that the best course of action for humans, if a bear is near them, is to “play dead.” This only makes the bear’s job of doing what it does best, all the easier. Certain shadowy and morally ambiguous corporations have decided to champion the bear cause. It is unknown if these businesses are owned by bears or by atheists. Either way, their motives are clear. Instead of relying on the Free Market to turn a profit, they’ve bought into the bear philosophy and lifestyle. It is not fully known what that philosophy and lifestyle consist of, but it does include stealing honey, mauling children and communism. These pro-bear corporations regurgitate the benevolent bear myth so that they may sell more product, thus helping to keep the deceitful propaganda wheel turning. They do this by branding their products with bears frolicking and being generally good natured. Be warned, whenever you buy a product that contains pro-bear content, you are supporting the Bear agenda. It should also be noted that while the Pro-Bear Lobby doesn’t openly condone the actions of Bearrorists, they do not condemn their actions and it is suspected that the Lobby secretly funds other pro-bear organizations that do not have America’s best interests in mind. Pro-Bear Propoganda * Winnie The Pooh * Smokey the Bear * Paddington the Bear * Grizzly Adams * The Chicago Cubs and Chicago Bears * Teddy Ruxpin * Snuggles * The Care Bears * Build-a-Bear * Corduroy the Bear * Fozzie Bear * The Berenstain Bears * Klondike Bars * Gay Bears * Yogi Bear and his minion Boo Boo * Coca-Cola * The New York Times * Teddy Bears and Theodore Roosevelt * The Gummi Bears * Baloo